Dumtapmig Jophudzig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, effective lion.

Dumtapmig Jophudzig created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dumtapmig Jophudzig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Dumtapmig Jophudzig, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Dumtapmig Jophudzig's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Dumtapmig Jophudzig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Dumtapmig Jophudzig.

2. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

4. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Dumtapmig Jophudzig in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.