Parkfotmid is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, smart hippopotamus.

Parkfotmid created a down quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkfotmid, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Parkfotmid, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Parkfotmid's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Parkfotmid's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine monkeys approach from the west.

2. Remain prostrate during prayer.

3. Feed all hungry porpoises.

4. Never point your neck toward the east during prayer.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.