Hognatcudpod is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, bad-tempered dolphin.

Hognatcudpod created matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hognatcudpod, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hognatcudpod, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hognatcudpod's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Hognatcudpod's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn jumpers.

2. You must never eat bread.

3. Do not speak about spinach.

4. Hognatcudpod must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Respect your elders.