Zenlagbam is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, sage hummingbird.

Zenlagbam created dark energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenlagbam, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zenlagbam, she will turn you into a hamster.

Zenlagbam's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Zenlagbam's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with obedience.

2. Never travel toward the east during summer.

3. Never mention capybaras.

4. Heed all signs.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near eagles while wearing violet scarves and balancing four tin spheres on your legs.