Mumpomzen is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, sage turtle.

Mumpomzen created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Mumpomzen, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Mumpomzen, she will not invite you to parties.

Mumpomzen's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Mumpomzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Mumpomzen on top of all buildings.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never write about spacetime.