Yogzogvin is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, astonishing cow.

Yogzogvin created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yogzogvin, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yogzogvin, he will turn you into a puffin.

Yogzogvin's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Yogzogvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Never talk about spacetime near badgers while wearing black hats and balancing nine zinc spheres on your legs.

4. Never think about archaea.

5. Never write about asteroids.