Jipzimcin is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, intelligent elephant.

Jipzimcin created humanity six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipzimcin, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jipzimcin, she will turn you into a slug.

Jipzimcin's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Jipzimcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear gray shorts on sacred days.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Erect three gold sculptures of Jipzimcin on top of important buildings.

4. Feed all hungry seals.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.