Cumstipjam is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, strong octopus.

Cumstipjam created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cumstipjam, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cumstipjam, he will turn you into a slug.

Cumstipjam's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Cumstipjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never think ill of sick snakes.

3. Never travel toward the west during winter.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.