Arfrullpad Batyakquag is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, temperamental rhinoceros.

Arfrullpad Batyakquag created the cosmos three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfrullpad Batyakquag, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Arfrullpad Batyakquag, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Arfrullpad Batyakquag's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Arfrullpad Batyakquag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always treat mice with great respect.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not keep four nematodes in a large pit.

5. Respect your elders.