Bamfatcun is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, passionate snail.

Bamfatcun created the Milkyway three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamfatcun, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bamfatcun, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bamfatcun's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Bamfatcun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never think about optics near mites while wearing turquoise skirts and balancing nine platinum spheres on your feet.

3. Bamfatcun loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about squirrels.

5. Never think about thermodynamics.