Xempigwee Tabdissjip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional raccoon.

Xempigwee Tabdissjip created Asia four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xempigwee Tabdissjip, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Xempigwee Tabdissjip, she will curse you with boils.

Xempigwee Tabdissjip's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Xempigwee Tabdissjip's Holy Commandments

1. Xempigwee Tabdissjip must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never feed gooseberries to tapirs while wearing fawn trousers.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never prepare pineapples during spring.

5. Do not prepare garlic while filled with anger.