Tipzigfotstragcebgoftoffarn is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, conceited turtle.

Tipzigfotstragcebgoftoffarn created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Tipzigfotstragcebgoftoffarn, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tipzigfotstragcebgoftoffarn, he will be very sad.

Tipzigfotstragcebgoftoffarn's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Tipzigfotstragcebgoftoffarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity.

2. Hide from magenta tortoises for they are unholy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never think about dark matter near swans while wearing mauve tights and balancing four copper spheres on your back.

5. Never mention snakes.