Pakweehattinnab is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, dishonest grasshopper.

Pakweehattinnab created a quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakweehattinnab, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Pakweehattinnab, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Pakweehattinnab's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Pakweehattinnab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Retreat if four voles approach from the north.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.