Lopriptip Tarplangup is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witless badger.

Lopriptip Tarplangup created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopriptip Tarplangup, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lopriptip Tarplangup, he will turn you into a snail.

Lopriptip Tarplangup's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Lopriptip Tarplangup's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always help otters in need.

3. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.