Dimjontif is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, resourceful seal.

Dimjontif created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dimjontif, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dimjontif, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Dimjontif's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Dimjontif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near cats while wearing black stockings and balancing six silicon spheres on your arms.