Tintamvag is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, fast skunk.

Tintamvag created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tintamvag, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tintamvag, he will be very unhappy.

Tintamvag's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Tintamvag's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Tintamvag's priests.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. You must pray to Tintamvag nine times a day.

4. Never think about optics.

5. Do not hurt pigs.