Lamcetvonlun Stighudmut is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unselfish snake.

Lamcetvonlun Stighudmut created time and space eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamcetvonlun Stighudmut, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lamcetvonlun Stighudmut, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Lamcetvonlun Stighudmut's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Lamcetvonlun Stighudmut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never feed aubergines to dogs while wearing coats.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near dolphins while wearing brown tights.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never hop near ducks.