Legspagken Hapmabbig Gadlenbog is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, compassionate giraffe.

Legspagken Hapmabbig Gadlenbog created viruses seven million years ago.

If you believe in Legspagken Hapmabbig Gadlenbog, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Legspagken Hapmabbig Gadlenbog, he will think nothing of it.

Legspagken Hapmabbig Gadlenbog's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Legspagken Hapmabbig Gadlenbog's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat coconuts.

2. Never skip in the presence of turtles.

3. Erect a large gold sculpture of Legspagken Hapmabbig Gadlenbog on top of all buildings.

4. Never write about solid mechanics.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.