Barnvanvol is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, almighty crab.

Barnvanvol created energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnvanvol, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Barnvanvol, she will send you a sign.

Barnvanvol's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Barnvanvol's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three manatees approach from the east.

2. Never wear brown hats on sacred days.

3. Do not study ribonucleic acid on holy days.

4. Do not kill shrews.

5. You must love Barnvanvol.