Gessflatbin is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, smart rhinoceros.

Gessflatbin created humanity five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessflatbin, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gessflatbin, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gessflatbin's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gessflatbin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from green snails, for they are unholy.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not hurt birds.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.