Gumkop is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, proud frog.

Gumkop created parasitic wasps eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumkop, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gumkop, it will turn you into a plant.

Gumkop's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Gumkop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

2. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Gumkop must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gumkop.