Rutvadgep is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, temperamental crocodile.

Rutvadgep created the planet Mars six billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutvadgep, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Rutvadgep, it will turn you into a mouse.

Rutvadgep's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Rutvadgep's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of pineapples to sheep while wearing magenta hats.

2. Never wear orange coats.

3. Always obey Rutvadgep's priests.

4. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Rutvadgep in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.