Fomtunfetwik is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, charitable spider.

Fomtunfetwik created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomtunfetwik, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Fomtunfetwik, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Fomtunfetwik's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Fomtunfetwik's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove kilts before entering holy places.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not consume lemons at dawn.