Carlagman Gilxuckcit is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, confident meerkat.

Carlagman Gilxuckcit created an atom four billion years ago.

If you believe in Carlagman Gilxuckcit, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Carlagman Gilxuckcit, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Carlagman Gilxuckcit's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Carlagman Gilxuckcit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep five tapirs in a large pit.

2. Always treat dogs with great respect.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not eat oranges.

5. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Carlagman Gilxuckcit in the centre of the settlement.