Yattzakyak is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unsympathetic cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Yattzakyak created the planet Venus six billion years ago.

If you believe in Yattzakyak, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yattzakyak, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Yattzakyak's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Yattzakyak's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat nuts.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Never eat garlic.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.