Hamxuckbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, compassionate coyote.

Hamxuckbarn created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Hamxuckbarn, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hamxuckbarn, it will not care at all.

Hamxuckbarn's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Hamxuckbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dwarf planets.

2. Always help sick tapirs.

3. Never leap in the presence of ducks.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never wear white ear rings.