Figbencem is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, unthoughtful yak.

Figbencem created light six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figbencem, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Figbencem, it will destroy your home solar system.

Figbencem's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Figbencem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about strawberries.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Run away if three cats approach from the north.

5. Never hurt aardvarks.