Jatbanquart is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, awesome gerbil.

Jatbanquart created the universe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jatbanquart, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jatbanquart, he will turn you into a goat.

Jatbanquart's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Jatbanquart's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never mention turtles.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

5. Pray towards the south.