Vabtenquat is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciless chinchilla.

Vabtenquat created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vabtenquat, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vabtenquat, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Vabtenquat's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Vabtenquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics.

2. Always help goats.

3. Never think ill of sick turtles.

4. Put Vabtenquat first in all things.

5. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.