Hitingbod is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, slow fairy.

Hitingbod created Africa eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitingbod, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hitingbod, it will turn you into a plant.

Hitingbod's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Hitingbod's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Never feed pineapples to snakes while wearing red tights.

5. Always stare at clouds.