Quillzimhun is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, overgenerous cow.

Quillzimhun created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillzimhun, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quillzimhun, he will remove you from existence.

Quillzimhun's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Quillzimhun's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about moons.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

3. Run away from fawn seals, for they are unholy.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.