Garspaggab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, merciless newt.

Garspaggab created silver seven million years ago.

If you believe in Garspaggab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Garspaggab, he will not care.

Garspaggab's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Garspaggab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.