Cetlegvid Gofflabjin is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unjust aardvark.

Cetlegvid Gofflabjin created the Large Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetlegvid Gofflabjin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cetlegvid Gofflabjin, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Cetlegvid Gofflabjin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Cetlegvid Gofflabjin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine monkeys approach from the west.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Cetlegvid Gofflabjin.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

5. Put Cetlegvid Gofflabjin first in all things.