Linponnib Kaprillnel is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, merciless fish.

Linponnib Kaprillnel created life nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Linponnib Kaprillnel, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Linponnib Kaprillnel, she will turn you into a dog.

Linponnib Kaprillnel's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Linponnib Kaprillnel's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Linponnib Kaprillnel.

2. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never write about ribonucleic acid.