Duddadbonklophinpitvab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Duddadbonklophinpitvab created the cosmos four billion years ago.

If you believe in Duddadbonklophinpitvab, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Duddadbonklophinpitvab, he will turn you into a tree.

Duddadbonklophinpitvab's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Duddadbonklophinpitvab's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never feed peanuts to manatees while wearing shorts.

3. Always help sick snails.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Duddadbonklophinpitvab.

5. Do not covet oxen.