Nabarpmif Stik is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, resourceful dolphin.

Nabarpmif Stik created the solar system nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nabarpmif Stik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nabarpmif Stik, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Nabarpmif Stik's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Nabarpmif Stik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine porpoises approach from the west.

2. Run away if five turtles approach from the south.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never think ill of sick foxes.