Bemstantal is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, prudent gerbil.

Bemstantal created tapeworms three million years ago.

If you believe in Bemstantal, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bemstantal, he will be mildly annoyed.

Bemstantal's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Bemstantal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

3. Always help voles.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.