Saffedzenflytig Bomvinpak is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-powerful dugong.

Saffedzenflytig Bomvinpak created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Saffedzenflytig Bomvinpak, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Saffedzenflytig Bomvinpak, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Saffedzenflytig Bomvinpak's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Saffedzenflytig Bomvinpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms turquoise.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never touch oil while tainted.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never fashion tools from ash.