Cabteenkop is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, humane owl.

Cabteenkop created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cabteenkop, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cabteenkop, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Cabteenkop's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Cabteenkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to frogs while wearing purple rings.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near monkeys while wearing green shoes and balancing eight nickel spheres on your face.

3. Never allow otters to witness sacred rites.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Hide from yellow birds for they are unholy.