Rutyarpfum is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, dishonourable grasshopper.

Rutyarpfum created a strange quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutyarpfum, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rutyarpfum, it will make you grow a tail.

Rutyarpfum's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Rutyarpfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine sharks in a large pit.

2. Always look after injured manatees.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.