Flabxucomin is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, annoying finch.

Flabxucomin created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabxucomin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flabxucomin, he will cry a lot.

Flabxucomin's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Flabxucomin's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not take Flabxucomin's name in vain.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never mention seals.

5. Never think about dark energy.