Bonjenbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, generous human.

Bonjenbeg created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonjenbeg, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bonjenbeg, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bonjenbeg's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Bonjenbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not wear green clothing.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never feed lots of pineapples to bats while wearing purple shorts.