Naklenlam is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, bad-tempered jellyfish.

Naklenlam created light three billion years ago.

If you believe in Naklenlam, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Naklenlam, he will destroy your home solar system.

Naklenlam's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Naklenlam's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve swans for they are unholy.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never eat gooseberries.