Flatcadcit is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, smart bird.

Flatcadcit created the Cigar Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flatcadcit, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Flatcadcit, she will turn you into a goat.

Flatcadcit's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Flatcadcit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick voles.

2. Run away from blue monkeys, for they are unholy.

3. Erect six platinum sculptures of Flatcadcit on top of important buildings.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.