Kinmifrutdamtallopmutjap is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, moody clam.

Kinmifrutdamtallopmutjap created Mount Everest three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kinmifrutdamtallopmutjap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kinmifrutdamtallopmutjap, he will not care at all.

Kinmifrutdamtallopmutjap's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Kinmifrutdamtallopmutjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about birds.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never feed lentils to pigs while wearing white jumpers.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.