Kancinjig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, confident hamster.

Kancinjig created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kancinjig, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kancinjig, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Kancinjig's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Kancinjig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near dogs while wearing white skirts and balancing eight lead spheres on your arms.

5. Feed all hungry turtles.