Davfunzed is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, slow swallow.

Davfunzed created humankind six billion years ago.

If you believe in Davfunzed, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Davfunzed, it will turn you into a plant.

Davfunzed's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Davfunzed's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about gravity near geese while wearing magenta shorts and balancing five lead spheres on your feet.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Davfunzed loves sharks, so they must be respected.