Hakbaphatgil Rigmad is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, passionate turtle.

Hakbaphatgil Rigmad created a strange quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakbaphatgil Rigmad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hakbaphatgil Rigmad, he will manifest in front of you.

Hakbaphatgil Rigmad's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Hakbaphatgil Rigmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle lead while unclean.

2. Do not travel during summer.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.