Bumxenzan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, selfish beaver.

Bumxenzan created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bumxenzan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bumxenzan, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Bumxenzan's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Bumxenzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant at crossroads.

2. Do not travel during spring.

3. Do not study archaea on holy days.

4. Never adorn your neck with orange markings.

5. You must never eat grapes.