Lapbifmut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, humane clam.

Lapbifmut created gold three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapbifmut, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lapbifmut, he will destroy your home planet.

Lapbifmut's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Lapbifmut's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Lapbifmut in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

4. Do not speak about peanuts.

5. Erect a large copper sculpture of Lapbifmut on top of all buildings.