Jatlatlargyim Queegzanbud Bighogfem is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, contented tortoise.

Jatlatlargyim Queegzanbud Bighogfem created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Jatlatlargyim Queegzanbud Bighogfem, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jatlatlargyim Queegzanbud Bighogfem, she will have a low opinion of you.

Jatlatlargyim Queegzanbud Bighogfem's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Jatlatlargyim Queegzanbud Bighogfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle copper while unclean.

2. Never point your chest toward the west during prayer.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always wear plain trousers during rituals.

5. Do not drink alcohol.